5 Things You May Need to Teach Your Child With Autism: Tips for Parents

Marc: When you're talking about self-care and autism, there are so many unique challenges because all of these kids are different and present different challenges. There's the ability to progress and gain functions where you didn't see them before, and then there are regressions. It's a give and take. Many times, you'll wake up and notice something lost, something gained, and then something gained, something lost.

Potty training is a big one. Even eating, there's such a limited diet. Brushing teeth, brushing hair, showering— those kinds of things are at the top of the list when you talk about self-care. These are things that many other kids are able to accomplish at a young age, moving through the steps and stages from one thing to the next. This usually happens pretty quickly in typical kids, but it's much different for kids who are autistic.

1. Make sure kids are comfortable. Is there an issue like constipation that bothers them? If so, trying to add even more to the potty process will be hard. Are they afraid of the toilet flushing? Things like that matter and can be a barrier to potty training. 
2. Use videos or pictures about potty training. 
3. Set times for potty training. Set times by saying things like “We’re going potty in 15 minutes.”
4. Reward your child. Rewards can be helpful, but they can’t be the reason to learn potty training. Try rewarding when it’s unannounced and unexpected.
5. Expect regression. Regression in potty training will happen. We’re going through it right now, basically back to square 1. Meet your child in their own time.
6. Take breaks. It’s okay to take breaks. Humans need a break, both parents and kids. Sometimes both need a break at the same time.

1. Make using the products into a positive activity. The products from Aeroflow Urology get delivered right to our door in a box, so you can’t tell what they are; it just looks like a box from a company. Cal would look out the window and call them his “presents.” Try telling your child that it’s time to take out the items and count and arrange them to reinforce that incontinence products are a positive thing.

1. Wash your child’s hair with their head back. One of the things we did for washing Cal’s hair was to always do it with his head back. He understands that when his head goes back, it’s time to start washing his hair. This helps keep the products out of his eyes and mouth.
2. Brush your child’s hair right away. After washing, you have clean hair, but then you have a lot of wet hair. Part of the process of ending the shower is brushing the hair. This is not something that comes later after getting dressed or another activity. We brush Cal’s hair right away.

1. Keep it simple. There are a million ways to do this, but we really try to avoid buttons and zippers. For Cal, the primary reason is that anything like that can become a choking hazard. Some of these kids are incredibly strong and will continue to work at something until they can disassemble their clothing.
2. Use adaptive clothing. We try to keep it really simple with a lot of elastic bands, making everything easy on and easy off. There are some outfits that Cal prefers more than others, primarily due to sensory or color preferences.

Marc: I think one of the most important criteria in building out a self-care routine for your child is understanding that whatever you establish is probably going to be the way the child sees it for the foreseeable future. When a lot of these ASD kids get into routines, it's very hard to change them. So, make sure it works for you, the parent. Ensure it's something you can be a part of or able to help with, considering your day-to-day activities, whether it's work or other kids. It could be a variety of things, but just make sure it works for you first, because inevitably, your child will need your help and direction.

Also, consider the sequence of events: When does A lead to B, B lead to C, and so on. For instance, Cal will always get a shower before dinner. He doesn't ask for dinner before his shower; he understands the sequence. He gets his end-of-the-day shower, and then it's dinner.

Build the routine to fit your daily schedule because once they lock into it, there will be an expectation on the child's part that that's how it's going to go. Make sure you build it out in a way that works for you and your family.

Marc: There's no doubt that asking for help from other parents is a secret weapon. So many of us don't do that for various reasons. I struggled with it for a long time. On the flip side, what works for other people won't necessarily work for you, your child, and your family. There's a fine line and flexibility in asking for ideas—some will work, and some won't.

Inevitably, you'll be able to share things with the larger special needs community. There are great resources online. You can go to any social media platform and type in almost anything to find the right people that you vibe with and want to connect with. Social media and podcasts offer tons of resources.

It's easy to feel lost and confused in the beginning. Everything is a little foggy, but you will get the hang of it. Then, all of a sudden, you're helping everybody. It's kind of like the saying, "It takes a village." Someone will help you, and then you'll help somebody else.